i hereby announce my intentions to make it back to Kona as a professional triathlete, i do, declare!  (i also obsessively watch the office and as a Southern, it is my obligation to declare important topics so that i portray a southern image.)

the view from Lava Java

i’ve always said i wouldn’t go back to Kona as a pro until i was ready.  it is time…time to get ready.  i still have a 30 minute gap to fill in this year, but continued improvement, focus, proper diet…blah, blah, blah.

in related news, it is also time my buddy tri-glen gets to Kona!

www.oldschoolironman.com

oh, this will be an exciting year in Kona indeed!  Tri-glen and I go way back to (www.eperformance.us) triathlon training camp.

(oh, you didn’t know, it’s name dropping Tuesday.)

back on track, when i met tri-glen, he was still struggling to pave his way.  in those days, he’d ride a tri bike in ironmans (wearing soccer shorts).  ha.  i had hope that he’d conform and adapt some of the gear that aids us in an ironman.  As I had known, that only a few year ago, i struggled with the concepts of bike shorts, bike helmets, and most all the tri gear.  i felt it was all overrated and too high maintenance.  that year at triathlon camp (spring 2004 or 2005), we actually staged a triathlon intervention and created a 12 step program for Tri-glen to become a ‘real’ triathlete.  the final step was that he renounce his given name and forever be known as Tri-glen.  i never envisioned that he would create his own path…the road less traveled…on a bmx bike…for 112 miles.  i am proud of him.  he is a great person and has been a good friend over the years.  in a sport where people commonly take themselves WAY to seriously, Tri-glen stands for everything that is right in triathlon.

i hope to bring some of that into my 2010 season, although i’ll still ride a tri bike, and somedays i may have to take myself too seriously.  BUT this is fun, damn it!

kona or bust 2010.  (i do, declare)

the best is yet to come…

hello new decade.

just checking in.

here we go, for better or worse…

oregon coast 2009.

this one’s for you daddy…

i shut down a couple weeks ago and haven’t been very active in my blogging.  it was all the same stuff, new day.  i didn’t feel like i was getting to train enough.  it all seemed like travel, vacation, travel, flu…blah, blah, blah.  my anxiety can be stifling SO best form of action seems to shut myself down.  so it’s been a few weeks.  missed ya’ll.  i missed myself to be real honest.

the past week was the worst of it.  i read the pro interviews on ironman.com and got myself all freaked at the talent i would be racing against.  my dog, bella, is actually named after bella bayliss, and it would be my first time racing her.  i tried to stay quiet, stay focused on the small tasks, and just fake it through the week.  i know i am as fit as i have ever been, but more importantly, i have gained experience this year.  i still have a long way to go, but i made steady progress, and i feel like i know myself and the steps i need to take towards continued improvement with a more realistic view.

Cozumel was a beautiful island.  the mexican culture is different than ours and in the tourist island of Cozumel, i understand they have to be more aggressive to make money.  however, i find the aggression off putting and i spent more time than i should have looking towards the comforts of home, starbucks, chicken, ron jons, the list continues…SO i am sure i missed many of the great aspects of the island, but it was just so exhausted walking by shops and being hustled in.  i had to be equally as pushy and borderline rude to get my point across, but when in mexico…

i wanted to go sub-10, but i counted on being about to bike somewhere around 5 hours - 5:15.  yeah this bike course wasn’t near as fast as i hoped.  the winds on the east side of the island were so strong.

the swim was fast…strong current or short.  relatively, not a great swim for me, i was a little too fast for the draft pack i ended up in.  i like to be the slowest in the pack and hanging on for dear life.  not the case…we broke down to a group of 3, and i was too strong to just sit on feet, the 50 minute swim time, however, awesome!  i don’t have a bike computer when the power meter comes off to race SO i have far less numbers than the typical triathlete would prefer, but it doesn’t bother me so much.  it was a lonely ride for me.  i passed one girl, got passed once, and got passed by handful of the age group men.  if the race turned into a draft feast, i missed it.  i did almost get hit by a bus though…towards the end of the first lap when the public transit systems hadn’t caught up with the correct traffic flow.  i had to serve into the oncoming traffic lane while the bus rode down past me…good times.  Ken got a new camera for the trip…and for our other future adventures.  he was VERY protective of his camera.  he was pissing me off worrying about whether the damn camera was in the safe or if the safe was working… one time we left the room, he actually took the camera bag with just one of the “lenses” in it and left the camera in the room unprotected.  i should have been tipped off at this point.  BUT he took great race photos…some of his work:

my bike in transition.  these have been voted the BEST PRO RACKS of my 2009 season.

t1.

steady on the bike…

running my solid 8:30s.

the face of relief.  2009 ENDS!

i put a lot into the bike, but you can always run, and really no 3rd option here.  i needed another result this year..for myself more than anything.  it felt shitty in the beginning…real shitty.  not running sounded so much better than finishing a marathon, but i ran steady on…8:00, snuck up into the 8:30s at some point, but held it steady there most of the run.  there were 2 tbb girls behind me and chasing hard, my spirits were low, but i just kept steady on it.  of the races, i have done this year, this was probably my favorite pro field.  the girls were nice and rooting for each other in a way that was healthy and positive, but didn’t take away from their day either.  major props to all the ladies.  it was a pleasure…even if it hurt pretty badly.  i have to give it to our hosts also.  they embraced ironman race day like nothing i have ever seen.  they were so excited about the race and they were cheering for everyone the whole time.  this is so commonly lacking at ironman…but the crowds were there, lining the streets the whole bike, all 3 loops of the run.  there were some draw backs to cozumel, but the race support and the fan fair was my favorite of the year.  props to Amy Kloner, our race announcer, she did a great job, and i felt commonly went ABOVE and beyond on behalf of the race organization.

the 2009 race is over!!  and as Ken eloquently on the empty beach, under the almost full moon, we’re starting a new chapter… so in the camera bag, that i ragged on him about all week was the ring that he was waiting for the right moment to give me, so that final night in Cozumel, he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him.  i said yes…or well more shook my head a little bit speechless and my eyes got a little watery.  we are engaged!

bring on 2010 bitches…    (i’ll be a better blogger in 2010…follow along…i am sort of a big deal  )

i need to update, but this is going to be a short version…

the weight loss challenge is over.  i didn’t win, but i have held my weight at 145.

Ken finished his first ironman!  so proud of him!

we leave for Mexico in a week and a half.  very exciting.  life is good.  just living the dream…

in a conversation with my best friend, she was very confused, and i realized that maybe the terms found within my blog and the thought patterns that seems so natural to me…aren’t all that logical to follow SO i’ll review the challenge, re-introduce my trainer, and reveal this weeks resutls!  (it was a good week, a very good week.)

i am in a weight loss program at our gym called ‘i lost it at the gym.’  over the years, i have struggled and battled with the weight with no real direction and no real understanding of what i was doing wrong.  jeremy gritton (http://www.grittonstrainingsystem.com/), my trainer has in the last 5 weeks transformed my diet and my view on food.  one of the things he said today caught me, and i immediately separated myself from the group.  he said most people don’t know how to push themselves, and that the 4th and 5th rep that you don’t want to be doing, are the reps that brings the results.  this, however, has never been my issue.  i know how to push myself, maybe too hard somedays.  i had my high school coach pull me out of the water one day and tell me that i was only hindering my performance by giving him 110%.  i excel at going above and beyond.  HOWEVER, i suck at the details.  i hate working on stroke technique in the water.  i have no feel for the water and i end up frustrated and feeling like i wasted time when i could have been burning calories.  i’d rather work really hard for 2 hours than work on the details that will help me to improve for 2 hours.  this is just an example, but the point being, i needed help with a detail of triathlon and performance that had nothing to do with pushing myself while swimming, biking, and running.  SO i took myself out of range for this comment, and  i have done the same things with food over the years.  

‘it doesn’t matter what i eat because i work out so much.  i am outside of the group of people that need to worry about calories or proper diet.  i am healthy.  i eat mostly, healthy food.  that doesn’t apply to me.’  

it is those kinds of thoughts and that separation that has got me in trouble for years.  it matters what i fuel my body with it.  it matters a lot.  m&m’s as an evening snack do nothing in your body except store as fat overnight.  awesome.  an extra pound to run with, great!  i had an m&m problem, and i really loved ice cream in the evening, and well, i didn’t miss having an evening sweet of some sort be it pie or cookies or cake (YUMMMM i love cake!).

the part of it all that floors me, i have been loosely studying nutrition for years!  i own multiple nutrition books.  i took nutrition classes in college, and not because i had to, but because i thought i’d be able to apply them to my own life, and benefit from them.  i should have known this stuff.  i should have known that my shit diet was a big part of my under performance, but i choose not to change my habits and routine until i read Jeremy’s (aka: j-dogg) comments in my food journal about reaching my goals.  

i got into a good routine right before we left for vacation.  i got overwhelmed and out of routine on vacation and gained 3 pounds.  i jumped right back into my good routine this week though and i lost 6 pounds in 6 days!  

i weighed in at 146 today!  i am down 18 pounds in 5 weeks.  

so 3 more weeks of the weight loss challenge.  these are also my build weeks for cozumel so it is a gentle balance of solid training and proper nutrition, but for the first time in triathlon, i am paying attention to one of the details that has haunted me for years.  i am proud of the things i have learned due to forced application.  i never would have thought i could eat so much and lose weight.  the understanding and knowledge that i have gained sets me free.

‘you have no idea how high i can fly.’  -michael scott

but getting back on REAL quick and i have great excuses.  

here are 2 of them:

madison kaye.  i keep wishing a handful of french fries put that kind of smile on my face.

and…

miss lily janke, my cousins daughter, who is holding up a “poison apple”  (it was really a trix ceral that i was trying to get madison to eat for snack.)  we were in the middle of watching enchanted and playing fancy nancy.  it was quite the afternoon.  

okay in continuing my excuses…

it was the first time (i believe since my fathers death) that we have all been together SO in the past 6 years.  my brother purposely put green shit in his teeth to be funny.  little did he know that it would be the family photo i posted on the internet.  you have to forgive my mother also.  she is very pretty, but she is very bad a taking photos.  gotta love quality gellatly family time.

okay final excuse, i think…

the beautiful Oregon coast…how could i not relax a little bit?!?!

however, i gained 3 pounds last week  i am home now though and surrounded by good, healthy food and workout equipment.  i was scared to weigh in yesterday and of course disappointed with the result, but i would have been silly to expect any different.  i ate salt water taffy AND chocolate!  i have a real aggressive goal for this week.   plus, i start working out full time again so hopefully with the mixed combo of the 2, i will be back on top after weigh in on Tuesday. 

in conclusion, great family vacation, but it is good to be home and moving again.  Cozumel is a short 8 weeks away…time to do work!

the wedding is tonight on NBC!

the emotional journey of under performance appears to me to fall in line with similar stages of that found in dealing with grief:  denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally landing on acceptance.  i feel i have moved through the stages fairly swiftly.  i actually got through to acceptance during the 5 hours of the race…

at first, i think i was in denial that i was actually racing.  telling myself…’it’s okay if those girls ride away…it’s okay’  what the hell?!?  it is not okay.  where is your competitive fire woman?!?  if a professional females comes around you on the bike, you fall back 10 meters, BUT you do not just let her ride away!  

anger, i can be angry with my tires for not popping during the race  and allowing me a perfectly acceptable DNF.  i can be angry with all the other women in the pro field for riding so strong.  i can be angry with myself for signing up for the racing knowing i would need a mental break post double ironman.  regardless, i think i have stumbled onto something there, if i am to be angry with anyone, i may as well look in the mirror.  my under performance is not only a direct result of my lack of training, but also due to my attitude during the race.  my attitude wasn’t as bad as it could have been, but i was in cruise control with a high heart rate.  

bargaining, oh this one is easy, i was bargaining all week.  

‘it will be better to race than to sit on the couch,’  metaphorically not physically, it may have been a chair come race day, but point being, it was time for me to get back out there!

depressions, up next, which feels like a revolving door emotion more than any of the others.  it doesn’t take much to get me down.  it’s not that i am depressed with my race result.  it would have been unfair on my part to expect any better.  it’s more that i hate people looking at the performance and comparing my apples to their oranges, and them thinking they have the better fruit.  because, dude, whatever, it doesn’t matter, it won’t ever matter.  i really like my apples and that’s all that matters to me today.  so i picked an apple 9 weeks too early because i had to to be in the contest in augusta on Sunday, but that doesn’t mean that come Thanksgiving weekend, my apple pie won’t freaking ROCK!  (Ironman Cozumel is the weekend of Thanksgiving.)  

and finally acceptance, acceptance that i needed the last month to recoup, to re-gather, and to learn a slightly different way to move forward so that i can continue to grow as an athlete.  acceptance that a 5 hour 70.3 race is the best i had in me on Sunday.  acceptance that good things came from this race and this day, and knowing that i will move forward stronger having finished that run even if it was against my own will.

alright i came across this today, but with that…”the end” of this grief consueling session.

http://www.pbase.com/tombriggs/image/116733707

(i guess we’ll take this as a compliment, sort of…)

the organization of the race went much more smoothly than i expected.  they held a great event.  our tri club, ptc tri, did an AWESOME job of support!  they rock the corner of 10th, and took care of me as i came staggering up, bonking a little more with every step…  so highly recommended, augusta 70.3 2010!  but i, also, recommend training for the event

tri ptc corner in Augusta…those are my people cheering…

…and honestly i am disappointed in myself.  not because 12 pounds isn’t great, actually 12 pounds is unreal, but because i know i could have done better.  so i sit here munching on carrots thinking about all the things i did “wrong.”

weight:     152  

body fat %:     24.2%

% of weight lost in 1 week:     7.3%

my commitment to my training has been disappointing however.  i really hoped to get some good work in before Augusta 70.3, and relative to what i felt like i should have been doing, i left a lot on the couch.  the weather has been shit for the last week, however, as i sit here and bitch about the weather and my commitment to training, it is a perfect sunny day outside.  and victoria has yet to go for a ride since lousiville (although i have been out on the road bike).

the other part i found disturbing were my eating habits.  as we speak, j-dogg, my trainer, is probably marking all through my diet book commenting on my lack of breakfast, my use of (GASP) syrup, m&m’s in the pm, the list goes on…  i tried this week too.  i know what i would normally do and i know i held myself accountable for my eating because he would be reading my log, and it was still BAD.  i have bad habits, and that’s all this is really about is breaking those old bad habits, and learning a new, better way to eat and live.  it’s hard though.  we become comfortable in our routine because it fits and works in our lives, but for me at this point, i know there is a better way.  i know i am capable of more and that i need to challenge myself to step outside of my little comfort zones in these next 8 weeks and create new habits that may leave me not only feeling better but performing better.  with that…i need to get outside!

for the weight loss challenge, we had to take a before and after photo.  i choose to take my photo in a pink satin dress i brought for a wedding but never went to SO the dress has never actually been worn.  it still has the tags on it.  sad.  i got a great deal on both the dress and the matching jacket…under $100.  i bought the dress right after my first ironman and back then i was still naive enough to think i would be able to keep the weight off.  bless my heart.  

the dress is an honest size 4 and if i am under 140 pounds, it will zip all the way up… it would be such a shame if this pretty, satin, pink dress sits in my closet for the rest of our lives.  so i have goals… 

without any further ado, here is my before:

weigh in this morning.  

weight:  164  

body fat percentage: 26%

accuracy of this measurement:  0%

does it matter within the “game” whether this first weight and body fat % is correct:  NO!

i kept myself up until 3am (reading but still awake) because of all the food i had eaten so late.  it is safe to say i will not crave mac and cheese for a minute.  i felt sick waking up, weighed myself, 153…okay, but knew i could put on another 5 pounds of water weight plus maybe a little bit of food in my stomach.  i had to weigh myself twice and i checked the accuracy of the scale, but sure enough, i put on “20 pounds” in 2 weeks, and even slightly more shocking, 11 pounds in 1 morning!  i am beaming with pride.  i should probably be maybe a little bit embarrassed because mid-160’s for a girl, a professional athlete none the less…that is just HEAVY!  

it was hard to break my mentality of calorie counting and watching what i ate even if for only 24 hours.  it was hard to think of putting on weight as a good thing.  it was only for one day though.  i have slacked on diet and exercise the last 2 weeks and with the combo of the 2, i did probably gain 5 pounds, but i know that it will all shed easily enough.  once i get back down to the mid-140s then the real challenge begins.  

i am pumped, i could be the next Peachtree City biggest loser!  

of course, all the while i need to keep my mind on the bigger picture and i need to focus on my training for Augusta and Cozumel, but it is fun to have this side goal.  Also, j-dogg has us keeping food logs which i am excited for, but dread all at the same time.  it is going to be exhausting and mentally challenging to write down all the food that i eat and the break down of protien, carbs, etc.  i have to eat to train which means a couple thousand calories a day…oh, all the writing and all the thinking!